When Men were Manhandled!!!!!!!!!

According to the Bible on the 6^th day of Genesis God created man in his own image to have dominance over all the fishes in water, birds in sky and all other creatures on the Earth. But what happens to the man the protector of others when he himself gets betrayed and abused as a child or adolescent by his fellow members whether from family, a friend or any near dear one whom he trusts. Well, the question remains unanswered as the type of society in which we live in, such things are generally hidden and shrugged off when encountered or are spoken in hushed voices thinking that if these things are catered then the evil will be unleashed enervating the society making it a lot weaker and eventually tarnishing the glorified image of men but by not listening to such voices we are just fueling the acts of molestation as the abuser knows that he/she will not be charged of being guilty, thus giving him/her more impetus. I am here to discuss about the least talked about topic of the stigma of Male Child Abuse.

Though child abuse is quite prevalent in society and many celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry etc. have been the victims who have come out of their closets; the girl child abuse is a burning topic of debate but the male child abuse is a topic, which is rarely discussed.

Well, there have been and continue to happen cases of girl child molestation by men but you will be shocked to learn about the fact that 1 out of every 6 male child gets abused and 90% of the abusers are not strangers but are known to the victim. A child molester can be anybody a male or a female. When a girl child is sexually abused then it is termed as rape but when a male child is molested by an older female then the boy is said to have got lucky by being initiated so early but any type of unwanted sexual activity is termed as molestation. I must say, thankfully the girl child abuse comes to surface and people demand for justice but what happens to the cases where a boy gets betrayed by his trusted ones, does the society in which we live in has any answer for the lost childhood of that boy, instead of asking for justice and sympathising, people shush such rising voices, as we live in such a society where the sexist belief that men, even as children, are invulnerable to sexual victimisation stops many people from believing male survivors of sexual abuse, or from taking the abuse seriously. Homophobia is at the root of the widespread view of male-to-male sexual abuse as sex, and the victim as a “faggot.”

Both of these oppressive belief systems are routinely communicated to children. They leave male sexual abuse survivors confused and ashamed about the abuse, their gender, and sexuality. These belief systems effectively silence abused boys, and stop them from being believed. Even psychotherapists, can overlook the possibility of sexual abuse and incest in male clients reserving that possibility only for female clients.

There are several factors that are the basis for creating the atmosphere that allows child abuse like seeing children as a property, teaching children that they are helpless and not to question authority, the sexual entitlement given to the adults that they can do anything to satiate their carnal desires and ultimately the shroud of secrecy around sex amongst children as many people think that if we teach children about mechanics of sex we are telling them to have sex. Though, information is considered dangerous, and in a sense, it is but it destroys myths, it allows people to make choices, and permits them to grow up and act as adults rather than keep them as shameful children around sex and sensuality.

Talking about boyhood sexual abuse and its aftermath for men can be difficult, even painful. But such talk is absolutely essential. The things happened in past definitely shape our future. The past is a mirror through which our future gets reflected. So, is the case with these victims who have had such troublesome childhood, which clearly gets visible in their lives ahead. The victim starts confusing affection with abuse, desire with tenderness, sexually abused boys often become men who have difficulty distinguishing among sex, love, nurturance, affection, and abuse. Some of the common areas of life which may get impacted are

·      Confusion about sexual orientation

·      Difficulties with sexual functioning

·      Difficulties with intimacy

·      Dependency or misuse of drugs, alcohol

·      Self harm and harm of others

·      Flashbacks, anxiety, nightmares, anger, shame and guilt etc.

Such effects leave the victim in a deep dark ditch of hopelessness.

Well, there are many myths as well related to male child sexual abuse, some of the facts revoking these myths are as following:

·      Boys and men can be sexually used or abused, and it has nothing to do with how masculine they are.

·      If a boy liked the attention he was getting, or got sexually aroused during abuse, or even sometimes wanted the attention or sexual contact, this does not mean he wanted or liked being manipulated or abused, or that any part of what happened, in any way, was his responsibility or fault.

·      Sexual abuse harms boys and girls in ways that are similar and different, but equally harmful.

·      The sexual abuse of boys has nothing to do with an abuser’s sexual orientation.

·      A boy abused by a male is not necessarily gay, nor was he abused because he’s not gay, nor can the abuse make him gay.

·      Girls and women can sexually abuse boys. The boys are not “lucky,” but exploited and harmed.

·      Most boys who are sexually abused will not go on to sexually abuse others.

Believing these myths is understandable, but dangerous and harmful, and needs to be overcome.

Briefly, I want to say a few things about treatment and recovery from sexual abuse. YES, it is possible. The earlier that treatment begins, the better. It is never too late to heal. Recovering from sexual abuse is not fast, nor particularly easy. There are a lot of pain and feelings that have to emerge and be expressed on the road to recovery. The goal is to recover your childhood, reclaim your body, and heal your self-identity.

Find a competent psychotherapist, preferably one who has experience working with male victims of sexual abuse. Just because a therapist works with women who were sexually abused does not mean he is experienced or competent working with male victims of sexual abuse. While there is a lot of overlap in treatment, there are substantial differences as well. Individual psychotherapy is the best place to start. Group therapy in addition to individual is very healing, but group work alone is not enough. Life partners of such victims have to be very loving and caring.

Well, whether a girl or a boy has been abused sexually the effects are hazardous for both. The society has made men the ones who are raised to deny and mask their emotions. They are expected to be “strong,” productive, physically active, and concerned with making money. There is little room for them to feel scared, vulnerable, or sad. Anger is often the only outlet offered to men. Abused men who act out of their anger often end up in the criminal justice system.

Other men numb themselves to the pain of their abuse, telling themselves that it wasn’t so bad, or hoping it will just go away. They may end up in psychiatric institutions, or in drug and alcohol treatment programs. Either way, they are invisible as sexual abuse and incest survivors, leaving them alone, depressed, angry, and without appropriate support and treatment. I can just say that though “Mard ko dard nahi hota ya phir wo dikhata nahin” the life of a man tantamount to that of a woman or rather is a bit more tortuous as he is not allowed to vent out his apprehensions, thus making his life hell!!!!!!!!!!

I would like to wind up now by saying that though it is a male driven society and we generally hear about injustice done to the fairer group of society but there are areas where males are also being manhandled and such cases are meant to be dealt with utter sensitivity and care and lastly we need to speak as “ Silence perpetuates silence and Speaking creates Awareness”.

PS:  Some excerpts i have taken from some articles online in this post. Watch two hundred men courageously stand together to say they were all molested. Watch this landmark episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show in its entirety.  Link to Oprah's Child Abuse full episode. 

Porn Addict !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pornography when searched on Google popped up with 4,58,00,000 results and that too in just whooping 0.27 seconds, well that’s the power of technology but without digressing way too much I am not here to talk about the techno advancement rather I am here to share my thoughts about “Pornography” one of the most untouched burning topic of all time.

Though, pornography has not been a new kid on the block, it has been here since decades now from the eras of the Romans, Greeks to our 21^st century only the medium for consuming it has been changing with time, like, in earlier days the rulers, kings and queens used to watch their slaves performing sexual activities amongst themselves so that the elite can get aroused but with the changing time now we watch it on our laptops, cell phones etc. so the basic idea has been same even Khajuraho temples in India depict sculptures in different sexual postures.

With the passage of time many technological developments have taken place but people have meagerly grown they still have been stuck with the mere idea of getting sexually aroused after seeing some explicit sexual content. Well, its not them to be blamed for it's the tedious lifestyle which people have started following now has left them with a very small amount of time for fulfilment of their own personal desires, thus with so less time left for themselves have resulted in instant ecstasy moments further culminating in these readymade libido moments.

Well, by watching these blue films (well lets just refer them as pornos, as the earlier representation seems way too tawdry) one just creates a demand for filmed prostitution as pornography is similar to Greek word pornographia, (pornē -"prostitute" or "prostitution", and graphein "to illustrate”) thus meaning "a written description or illustration of prostitutes or prostitution", so thereby by creating such a demand it results in human trafficking as prostitution has never been anybody’s dream it has always bred out due to financial crisis, family troubles etc. Though, it seems to be an easy way of getting remunerated but it has been part and parcel of hell other problems, which ultimately result in guilt and trauma.

Porn has never been a medium of entertainment but nowadays on the flipside it is turning into a major genre under which entertainment falls. Though it has some side effects but it has continually been rising up the charts. Even viewing of porn for twice a week starts killing ones creativity and imagination; it starts acting like a slow poison eventually obliterating personal fantasies and desires as what comes to mind when one gets a chance to get involved with his/her desired person is all the crap seen in pornos instead of your fancies involving kissing, touching, caressing.

In populous opinion personal thoughts involve much of sensuality and mutuality as contrary to the sub ordinance of women shown in these films, which though reflect the general hierarchical system of society.

But I seriously wonder what qualifies as sexually pleasing in these films whether a boy choking a girl, or having brutal sex without caring for his companion, or a women crying seems sexy or is it raping a women considered sexually arousing, if it is so then God himself must be very ashamed to learn about the fact that the men whom he created to love and care women have started objectifying women as sex toys. Even we can find different categories like Rape, Humiliation, Cry, Abuse and many more related with distress of women on porn websites.

Everything we feed our mind tends to change us and our mentality eventually, thus leading to rocketing number of cases especially in a country like India where illiteracy forms a major chunk of the society, the “Delhi Damini” rape case is a very apt example to this over dosage of bullshit to our minds.

Nowadays, about 90% 12 years old through varied accessible sources watch porn, which are addictive and paralyzing especially at this tender age of puberty when a child’s whole world starts changing suddenly. These movies are paralyzing because these limit ones mind and thinking, as these don’t care about sensual, passionate, generous aspects of unison of two people. The beauty of a teenage love story or of a healthy adult relationship have started getting hampered by the predominant ideas of lust permeating through these films in people’s mind as now people have ceased to share their views and ideas about sex rather they just only see it, thus it is a kind of sexual mutation that has been in action now.

Even girls have also not been left untouched by this porn influenced culture as now not only the hard core porn but even the commercials and music videos are being shot in such a way that it seems to be an alter ego of porn just the difference being that it is cladded porn. By being affected by such obscenity everywhere now teenagers have started thinking that if someone has to be worthy of love then he/she need to be worthy of sexual desire thus resulting in so many MMS scandals as now girls are ready to be video taped in inappropriate situations risking their respect and dignity just for showing that they are sexually desirable. Even if the boys misuse the video by uploading them online or by selling it, the paradoxical nature of the society comes to surface as always the girl who has been blamed, nobody addresses the boy for moral conduct which ultimately results in distress, isolation for the girl and her family, at times female victims of such cases end up committing suicide. Thus, porn may have such fatal ramifications as well.

Pornography or Prostitution has never been and never will be an embodiment of freedom of expression, freedom of occupation it has always been an embodiment of sexual exploitation, human trafficking, pimping, solicitation etc.

Sex Industry always chews people and spits them out when one loses his/her perfect body shape with age, generally sex workers doesn’t even make to age of 50 in countries where average life expectancy is 70-75 years. The major causes of death have been drugs, STD’s, being murdered by the pimps or by their boy friends and lastly because of suicide caused due to social death as no one prefers to go out with a prostitute thus causing isolation. Well, whether be porn movies, brothels, hooking services or escorts all of these form a whole spectrum of prostitution.

Well, what one should care more is about mutual physical and emotional safe sex rather than subjugation. One should care about bringing laughter together because if two souls can’t laugh together then what good can grow between them sexually or non sexually.

As long as demand of such things continue supply wouldn’t stop thus pushing hundreds of other innocent girls and children in the pits of darkness where there is no hope of change. So, please stop being silent as “Silence perpetuates more Silence” while talking brings awareness and thus a Change.

PS: This is the video from where i took the idea and the bullet points ..